Simple Truths- If you’re too busy judging you can’t be loving.

Simple Truths- If you’re too busy judging you can’t be loving.

So here is a simple truth, the more you love someone the less you judge them; the more you judge them, the less you love. Now just for second, think of the person in your life that you once loved or someone whose very name now makes your skin crawl. Ask yourself, ‘why do I not love them as I once did or why do I hate them so much?’

Truth be told, the ONLY thing that crosses your mind right now is how much you dislike them and are unable to think of a single nice thing about them, because all you end up doing is judging the other FIRST. There is no room for anything in YOUR mind but hate. The problem ironically is not so much with them as much as it is in your head. Hate consumes you to such an extent that there is no time to even grant them an ounce of goodness, and in the bargain you become a prisoner of negativity.

The first time I met Fr. Agnelo Gracias (now Bishop) was when I was interviewed as a candidate for the seminary way back in 1991. Fr. Agnelo was the Rector of St. Pius X College and I was all of twenty one year’s old, fresh out of my course in Hotel Management. In his typical style, he took me for a cup of tea and then when I was a bit relaxed, he began the interview. I recall the meeting as a bit comical, for he punctuated every line with the words, “good good.” It was hard to supress a smile if not control my laughter. It was always a double assertion of the word good and if he was super happy, the ‘good’ knew no end.

At first I used to think that these repeated assertions of the word ‘good’ were a little annoying. How can anything and everything be good? But Fr Agnelo never had the time to judge people, for he always loved first. The repeated assertions of the word ‘good’ had now become a way of life for him; everything he saw was good and anyone whom he came across was first loved. It’s almost like he had no time to judge; the goodness was all he saw in the other.

Does this mean that Fr. Agnelo lived in a world of denial? Could he never see that which was wrong? Absolutely not! But what is true is that this constant disposition to see the good in others helped him to see the person first and then the fault. He judged less and loved more and in the process won many hearts.

Once our relationships begin to go south we only begin to judge and stop loving. People don’t really change, our perspective and expectations of them do. This was the same person you once hung around, fell in love with, thought the world of and now all you feel is disgust.

In truth perhaps they were always disgusting but at that period of your relationship, YOU chose not to see any of it because then YOU CHOSE to love first and judge less. You made the allowances for the mistakes and hurt. You ignored them because you chose to love more. Now while it seems to have all changed, it does not have to be that way, for when you decide to love more you automatically judge less.

Fr Warner D’Souza

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2 thoughts on “Simple Truths- If you’re too busy judging you can’t be loving.”

  • Amazing read…. The title itself brought a broad smile on by face… A truth to be remembered in any and every relationship!! Thank you for the sharing Fr.

    Reply
  • Ohh.. I so wish EVERYONE could understand this. People are like sheep. They’d rather follow the here & agree with random judgements of a particular, biased person against another particular individual, rather than take out the time to question whether these judgements hold any water at all. It’s so sad that even once “close friends” forget the essence of their friendship when these baseless judgements are passed about their friends & just go along with public opinion rather than bother to use a more loving approach & stand up against the crowd. Sorry for the rant.. just that personally experiencing something very similar right now & it’s really difficult. This topic just kind of hit a nerve.

    Reply

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