Err on the side of kindness

Let me state my case clearly; while I am tremendously proud of the good works taking place in the Catholic Church, I am equally ashamed at the behaviour of many Catholics when it comes to dealing with the poor. There is something going horribly wrong in the way we approach charity with little attempt to correct it, both at the grass roots and from the pulpit. The Catholic Church is known for her charity to the poor but what bothers me is not so much ‘what we give’ but ‘how we give’ and the thinking that governs such giving.

A few years ago I developed a very close relationship with a financially challenged family in my parish. Poverty and fate’s cruel twist had left them without a father and no source of income. The boys quit school to help their mother and educate their only sister, and together they struggled to put just bread on the table.

In this miserable situation they turned to the Church. While they always praised Fr Michael Goveas, the parish priest, they were deeply disturbed by the laity who were in-charge of distributing aid to the poor. They were made to wait in line like they were refugees waiting for their next meal and often spoken to harshly, if not in an insulting manner. As they young man said to me, “their insults first filled our bellies, their food was hard to swallow but hunger forced us to eat.”

The recounting of this incident made a deep impression on me and I was determined that this would not happen in my parish. To my horror that was exactly the case and I was horribly embarrassed. So I began to catechise those who distributed aid to the poor, sharing with them the mind of the Church. I also decided to invite a few people to be on the committee that cared for the poor. It was my hope that the poor man would understand another poor man. Immediately two members on the committee left citing differences with my approach and may I say I was exhilarated with their exit!

So what seems to ail us? Whether we are in a committee or simply deciding to give away stuff to the poor, why do we behave like a harsh exacting judge? I believe that somewhere down the line we get drunk on power even if that power was teeny tiny thirty millilitres. I know that because that is how I behaved as a young priest. Mercifully, the Lord opened my eyes. For some unapparent reason power seems to make one go heady. Jesus came to teach us servant leadership and we are but stewards of His; unfortunately some of us want to dethrone the Lord Himself!

I believe deeply that poverty is an evil and one should not make a virtue out of evil, but this reality stares us in the face and calls us to act. To serve the poor is our duty, for we are blessed and privileged to eradicate misery even if it is from one life, one family or in one community. But this service must be done with no judgment and with a lot of love.

I am appalled when we decide with human standards how much we think a poor person deserves. It is shocking that we rule out aid for some in the community because they may have a refrigerator or a television with cable in their homes. Because one is poor should they be deprived of entertainment? Is entertainment only a privilege of those ‘apparently blessed’ with wealth?

A few years ago at Christmas I decided to give food hampers to the less fortunate in the parish community. I chose not to give them ‘necessities at Christmas’ but a few ‘luxuries’ to celebrate the day, after all many of us have tables laden with goodies. Along with the hamper I distributed a measly five hundred rupees to each family and that set off one member of my community hopping mad. His objection? You are encouraging these families to buy alcohol on Christmas day! For those who know me well, I do not suffer fools easily and so I shot back, “and do you or do you not consume alcohol on Christmas day?” Why do we hold different strokes for different folks?

They are the same ‘judgmental Christians’ who have no qualms of taking advantage of the poor who work in their homes. I am often approached by some people to find a maid to work their homes with a ‘concerned caveat’, “Father, do send me someone who is deserving?” Deserving of what? Your opportunity to exploit them? Salaries are rarely paid keeping in mind that a bread winner has to feed a family, and so the opportunists break the backs of the poor even more by loading another sack and extending the hours of work, all for a ridiculously low salary.

Bishop Agnelo Gracias taught me well as my professor at the seminary. I don’t remember what he taught me in class, I was never a bright student but the way he lived impacted my life. I noticed that when someone came and told him what I thought was a ‘sob story’ he did not judge them; he erred on the side of kindness. Is that not how we would like the Lord to judge us when at last we return to Him?

Fr Warner D’Souza