Simple truth – You have a right to be loved.

Simple truth – You have a right to be loved.

The simple truth is this; you have put up too long with people in your life that just won’t make an effort to improve the relationship you share with them. The operative word is, ‘put up’ and perhaps you have ‘put up’ because you convinced yourself that even what you get you won’t receive if you demand more. Even worse, you have now come to believe that this is what your worth.

The truth is that we have surrounded ourselves with people who don’t respect who we are and who care little for our emotional needs while constantly demanding more for themselves. You don’t have to think hard for I am sure a name is just going to come up as you read this.

I am one of those people, who constantly put a lot into reaching out to others, relationships are important to me. For me, human touch and personal interactions are important. I constantly find myself making time for friends and loved ones often at the cost of my own needs. If I know that someone is in pain I will ensure that I reach out to them in some way or the other. I am sure that many of you who are reading this identify with me.

On the flip side I find myself enveloped by some people who constantly receive much and give very little. Their excuse, “this is who I am”! The truth is this is not who they are, for if motivated to their own needs and pleasures they will be up and running like a half crazed lover heading on his first date. Yet to those around them from whom they receive much their excuse is always, “this is who I am” or “accept me as I am.”

Now please give what I say a thought, for these characters deliberately set themselves up for low expectations in a relationship because when they don’t deliver (which they won’t because they won’t even try) they can’t be blamed. This is the key. It’s not that they can’t give more in a relationship it’s that they have figured out that if they admit to ‘not being able’ to give more, if they admit to ‘being inadequate’ you simply won’t be able to blame them when you don’t get what you really need.

Such people never meet your needs (forget about your wants) even though you explicitly state them because they simply admitted to ‘not being able to’ (which is not true) and now if you don’t get what you need, it’s your fault for expecting what they said they can’t give.(clever excuse)

Some time ago I wrote an article on similar lines but more generically (this is more specific). Since then many wrote in to say thank you for the liberation they felt. You don’t have to feel guilty for expecting love from those who ought to give it to you especially if they are the same ones who demand it from you in the measure and specifications they need. It is true that we don’t necessarily give love to get it back in return, but some people know that we are disposed to simply giving while they are happily open to receiving. They on their part make no effort to push themselves to give.

Think of this, you wake up earlier just to finish your work and accommodate your friend but when you need them their beauty sleep was more important than you. You always write personal notes or send a message each day to a loved one and you don’t even get a response. You cooked a great meal and no one even said it was nice. You think of these people in your life all the while and they reach out to you only when they need you; in fact you can safely pick their call and ask them what they want and pat will come their list of requirements. The truth is that you are simply a service provider to them.

Stop accepting mediocrity in your relationship, you are worth more. Stop believing you invested so much that it’s not worth letting them go (trust me your better off). Stop accepting their devious excuse of “this is who I am” for this is not what you deserve.

Fr Warner D’Souza

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5 thoughts on “Simple truth – You have a right to be loved.”

  • Wohhhooooo! Amazing read at the start of the day. ..
    Thankyou for putting this together Fr.

  • Liberating for sure Fr. Warner. But I can’t help hearing what Jesus would say ‘Give without counting the cost … without expecting anything in return”. It’s what Jesus did, isn’t it? So much as I would love to feel liberated by this post of yours my conscience does not permit me to. God is always there for us irrespective of whether we reciprocate or not … should we not follow His example? I’m no saint and it bugs the hell out of me … but try we must to give and not expect in return.

  • Thanks for sharing your views Fr. I’d like to state that in my opinion, attitude change makes the required difference . Not easy, but I’m working on it. I recently read – Self change is the best way to change others (The Beatitudes by Fr. Francis Ripoll, SJ).

    And I must admit the attitude of gratitude has changed my perception of life making me happy and content even in the midst of trying times.

  • Loved this Padré. Nicely put. Besides being a wake up call for those who don’t give back as much, it’s indeed a wake up call for some of us who have forgotten to give back as much. Thank you and God Bless you always. ❤️

  • Father, I wish I had heard this twenty years back. Thank you for articulating what I thought was not compatible with Chtistian thought. I have lots of experiences of emotional abuse.

    One was by a well-known Church goer who constantly ridiculed me in public because I was single. I kept quiet thinking that I was acting like Jesus. After 12 years, I finally asked him to stop. Then, he stopped talking to me.

    Another bad experience was with my little sister. I made a perfect fool of myself caring for her like a mother. But once she was educated, went abroad, and got married, she started treating me like a piece of rag. I quietly went through hell thinking all the time that I just had to forgive her and allow myself to be exploited. Finally, I came to my senses. Ran away from her home. Managed to find some work but at least, I am living with dignity now.

    Thank you so much for your videos. I chanced upon your Youtube channel “accidentally.” Now, I watch all your homilies.

    God bless you.


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