Simple truth – You have a right to be loved.
The simple truth is this; you have put up too long with people in your life that just won’t make an effort to improve the relationship you share with them. The operative word is, ‘put up’ and perhaps you have ‘put up’ because you convinced yourself that even what you get you won’t receive if you demand more. Even worse, you have now come to believe that this is what your worth.
The truth is that we have surrounded ourselves with people who don’t respect who we are and who care little for our emotional needs while constantly demanding more for themselves. You don’t have to think hard for I am sure a name is just going to come up as you read this.
I am one of those people, who constantly put a lot into reaching out to others, relationships are important to me. For me, human touch and personal interactions are important. I constantly find myself making time for friends and loved ones often at the cost of my own needs. If I know that someone is in pain I will ensure that I reach out to them in some way or the other. I am sure that many of you who are reading this identify with me.
On the flip side I find myself enveloped by some people who constantly receive much and give very little. Their excuse, “this is who I am”! The truth is this is not who they are, for if motivated to their own needs and pleasures they will be up and running like a half crazed lover heading on his first date. Yet to those around them from whom they receive much their excuse is always, “this is who I am” or “accept me as I am.”
Now please give what I say a thought, for these characters deliberately set themselves up for low expectations in a relationship because when they don’t deliver (which they won’t because they won’t even try) they can’t be blamed. This is the key. It’s not that they can’t give more in a relationship it’s that they have figured out that if they admit to ‘not being able’ to give more, if they admit to ‘being inadequate’ you simply won’t be able to blame them when you don’t get what you really need.
Such people never meet your needs (forget about your wants) even though you explicitly state them because they simply admitted to ‘not being able to’ (which is not true) and now if you don’t get what you need, it’s your fault for expecting what they said they can’t give.(clever excuse)
Some time ago I wrote an article on similar lines but more generically (this is more specific). Since then many wrote in to say thank you for the liberation they felt. You don’t have to feel guilty for expecting love from those who ought to give it to you especially if they are the same ones who demand it from you in the measure and specifications they need. It is true that we don’t necessarily give love to get it back in return, but some people know that we are disposed to simply giving while they are happily open to receiving. They on their part make no effort to push themselves to give.
Think of this, you wake up earlier just to finish your work and accommodate your friend but when you need them their beauty sleep was more important than you. You always write personal notes or send a message each day to a loved one and you don’t even get a response. You cooked a great meal and no one even said it was nice. You think of these people in your life all the while and they reach out to you only when they need you; in fact you can safely pick their call and ask them what they want and pat will come their list of requirements. The truth is that you are simply a service provider to them.
Stop accepting mediocrity in your relationship, you are worth more. Stop believing you invested so much that it’s not worth letting them go (trust me your better off). Stop accepting their devious excuse of “this is who I am” for this is not what you deserve.
Fr Warner D’Souza
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